Let’s be real. As much as there was to love in 2017, there was also a lot to hate. A lot. They can’t all be winners, as they say. So here are our picks for the worst that 2017 had to offer:
Worst TV of 2017:
Any show you only watched the pilot for –
Let’s be honest, you will never remember the worst TV shows of the year because you watched the pilot and got bored. The pilot is supposed to be the best way for a TV series to rope you in, and if you get bored in the quintessential episode, you’ll never remember it. So I rate all those pilots I watched and never bothered to remember as the worst.
Worst Movies of 2017:
The Hitman’s Bodyguard –
If I were stuck in a room with a continuous showing of The Hitman’s Bodyguard and a stairwell leading to a satanic cult operated by Steve Bannon, I would hurl myself, wheelchair and all, into the fiery abyss. The plot is so generic that not even Ryan Reynolds’ sarcastic quips can save this film. Plus, did you know that Samuel L Jackson likes to swear? Because he does. A lot. I don’t understand how millions of dollars and countless hours could be spent producing a film which adds nothing to the action genre.
The Emoji Movie –
Salena Moran & Evan Penrod
What can be said that hasn’t been said about this annoying cash grab of corporate propaganda? This film possesses no skill or brain power, and watching it unfold feels as though Hollywood threw in the towel in creating original and entertaining children’s films. If you do not want to see this kind of movie ever again, don’t fund it, not even as a joke. This heinous excuse for a movie grossed over $210,000,000, which is about $209,999,999 more than it should have made. This “film” seems like one long advertisement for several apps with no shame. Also, Sir Patrick Stewart voices Poop, and oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Worst Music of 2017:
“Sushi King” –
Just what happened to Niki and the Dove? After a mediocre showing last year with Everybody’s Heart is Broken Now (which, admittedly, I grew fond of over time), I didn’t think that the duo would do an about face and create something that is just absolute trash. That is not me being hyperbolic; I literally cannot describe this song in any other way than just trash. Trashy vocals, trashy lyrics, trashy music, everything about “Sushi King” reminds me of projects done only for the sake of throwing them away later. Avoid.
Last year, I picked “Panda” for this ignoble title, and this year, I take on another Billboard #1 hit. Where do I begin with my disgust for this song? Everything about it is annoying, from Justin Bieber’s attempts at being Latino to the generic, repetitive lyrics. Latin music can be very good, but this absolutely was not. It didn’t help that you couldn’t go anywhere in the summer without hearing it. In fact, it may be getting stuck in my head again as I write this.
“Look What You Made Me Do” –
Salena Moran & Evan Penrod
Taylor Swift’s newest single is just as cringeworthy as her attempts to reinvent herself in the music industry. This tune simply serves as a continuation of her childish digs at the Kardashians and other celebrities as opposed to a thoughtful attempt at creating music and surmounting those who try to bring her down. It ultimately feels as though Taylor opened up her middle school diary and sang right off the page, leaving no creativity or depth within the lyrics.
“Bodak Yellow” –
I’ll be honest, usually, if a song is filled with feeling, good lyricism and has a decent beat, I’ll be able to listen to it, or even like it. I have listened to many songs this year, and I can truly say that “Bodak Yellow” is garbage. As far as I am concerned, this song is only good for party music where people scream a couple lyrics of the chorus and then fake the verses until the end. Turn your “bloody shoes” around because this track is discount young Nicki Minaj, and even she did it much better than Cardi B.
Worst Games of 2017:
Fire Emblem Heroes –
Do you remember Fire Emblem Heroes? Neither do I. After reviewing the game, I put Heroes down, promising to finish the last chapter when I had more time. Well, 10 months later, I still haven’t beaten it. Yeah.
Mass Effect: Andromeda –
The highly-anticipated sequel to Mass Effect 3 follows expertly in its predecessor’s footsteps, and by that, I mean it was vastly underwhelming. I was so amped for this installment in the franchise. I loved the characters in the previous trilogy, and the storyline was very engrossing. However, that’s not the case with this iteration. Sure, the original Mass Effect was not the most thrilling of games, but for its time, it was good. The series really made its mark with its second installment, but, thanks to various setbacks, trailed off a bit with its third installment. Overall, I thought Mass Effect: Andromeda could revitalize my love for the series, but it just didn’t live up to my expectations.