Police briefs

By Wes Crosby|News Editor

Valentine’s Day is upon us and Uncle PB is proud to say that for the first time in six years he actually remembered it without Mrs. PB bludgeoning him over the head with incessant reminders.

That being said, he is not wholeheartedly looking forward to it. Mrs. PB really gets up for this stuff: the candy, the flowers, the romance. Uncle PB on the other hand is more looking forward to the WWE pay-per-view this Sunday.

So, Uncle PB has a plan to make sure both his dear wife and he enjoy this holiday. He will cook Mrs. PB dinner, but as he brings it into the dining room and places it in front of her lovely, beaming face he will take a deep breath and shout: “If you smeeeelllllllll what the PB is cookin’!”

Now that the absolutely most ridiculous start to police briefs in history is over, let’s get down to actual business.

A few people had sticky fingers this past week as two thefts were reported. On Wednesday, a student reported her boots stolen from Gumberg Library and on Monday, a student reported their iPhone from the Power Center.

Then on Thursday, a student was cited for having marijuana in Des Places Hall.

Now that this week’s report is out of the way, Uncle PB would like to earnestly wish all of you and your loved ones a very Happy Valentine’s Day.