Police briefs

By Julian Routh | Asst. News Editor

Uncle PB is feeling a little different this week, and it’s not because of the overnight change in seasons.

Actually, everything around him, minus the weather, stayed exactly the same. He got out of bed this morning, plopped himself on the couch and watched reruns of Cops until it was time to give the police report. Same old, same old.

But it wasn’t the same Uncle PB. He felt younger. He felt refreshed. He felt as though he had years ahead of him to give it his all.

Last week’s Uncle PB has moved on to better things. Bigger police reports, perhaps. But he will never be forgotten. In fact, to make sure of that, the new Uncle PB plans to hang a No. 87 Penguins poster on the wall in commemoration.

For now, though, it’s time. Folks- say hello to the new Uncle PB. He will be reciting the crime log from now on, and only time will tell if he will be able to capture the same charming wit as the old Uncle PB.

Take it easy on him, students. Contrary to popular belief, Uncle PB doesn’t enjoy writing long police briefs. He would much rather use this column space as an outlet to share his feelings. So a word of advice: stay out of trouble.

This week, the advice was heard loud and clear. On Monday, Green Tree Police retrieved a stolen laptop computer from a Duquesne student. And on Tuesday afternoon, a commuter student reported a male exposing himself in the Armstrong Tunnel.

What do you think? Leave us a comment!