Police Briefs

By Julian Routh | Asst. News Editor

The end is here, and Uncle PB is feeling a mix of emotions.

The last crime report of the school year always makes him wonder why time goes so fast. He remembers when he was in middle school (he was the hall monitor, of course) and the days dragged. Now, he resents Father Time.

Uncle PB wants to congratulate you, though. In August, when he first saw a few hooligans from the incoming freshmen class walking down Academic Walk, he foreshadowed a flurry of crime.

He even cancelled “Date Night” with his wife on Wednesday evenings, figuring he would be busy writing page-long crime reports. To his surprise, there were few.

No date this week. Last Wednesday, a DU non-resident student made threats against Resident Life on Twitter.

In the Beard Press Box at Rooney Field, an intoxicated student was found on Friday and two were referred for underage drinking on Saturday.

On Saturday afternoon, an intoxicated student was found in the bushes and transported to Mercy ER for cuts and scratches. Another intoxicated student was transported to Mercy from the Towers LLC lobby.

The last reported crime of the newspaper year came on Sunday evening, when someone stole a chair in the Pappert School of Music. The stolen property was recovered.